Welcome to My life

One last thing... An afterthought, if you will...

2006-06-17T18:47:20Z

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town?

I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye...

Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

mark373 @ 2006-06-13T01:11:00

2006-06-13T05:12:47Z

Welcome to the last entry of this pathetic journal

I hope you have had a good life

peace out bitches!

mark373 @ 2006-06-11T22:45:00

2006-06-12T02:50:30Z

Fed up with my destiny
And this place of no return
Think I'll take another day
And slowly watch it burn
It doesn't really matter how the time goes by
Cause I still remember you and I
And that beautiful goodbye

We staggered through these empty streets 
Laughing arm in arm 
The night had made a mess of me 
Your confession kept me warm 
And I don't really miss you, I just need to know 
Do you ever think of you and I 
And that beautiful goodbye 

When I see you now 
I wonder how 
I could've watched you walk away 
If I let you down 
Please forgive me now 
For that beautiful goodbye 

In these days of no regrets 
I keep mine to myself 
And all the things we never said 
I can say for someone else 
Cause nothing lasts forever, but we always try 
And I just can't help but wonder why 
We let it pass us by 

When I see you now 
I wonder how 
I could've watched you walk away 
If I let you down 
Please forgive me now 

For that beautiful 







goodbye

mark373 @ 2006-06-11T21:40:00

2006-06-12T01:50:17Z

tonight is going to be a long night

I slept all day

and my internal clock is off

and I don't care

All I know is

I am pissed

and I am determined to finish all this shitty work I have to do

and I am sick of complicated relationships and friendships

I am sick of stress

Thank God it is almost summer...

I am so happy to be going off to Niagara

though I am going to miss the majority of my friends

I am ready to get out of here

Senior Banquet and Bash were AMAZING !!!

they really did a killer job...

It was infinatly better then I thought it would be...

:-)

And I got to talk to people and just hang out and have a good time

with not just my close friends, but people I know more then just as an aquantance

and just let loose and have fun!

so yeah...

:-)

if anyone reads this before Monday

be warned

I have no voice

and I might be in a slightly anti-social mood...

it's all part of my cycle

c ya!

-Mark-

mark373 @ 2006-06-09T17:09:00

2006-06-09T21:12:51Z

too much of the the same stories in our lives

I think its time for change, don't you?

too much of the same stories in our lives

I think its time for us to walk away from here...

mark373 @ 2006-06-08T08:40:00

2006-06-08T12:44:42Z

sitting in the F-2 comp lab...

kinda bored

and tired...

I got sick (I think thanks to Kristen)

lol

it's Karma...

I made fun of her for losing her voice, and the next day, my throat killed...

hahahaha

o well

I am getting better...

I felt MUCH better after the morning shower...

I can't wait for college next year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it will be nice to get away from people who can't commit to things

or make an effort to do anything to better their lives...

though I will more then deffinatly encounter people like that in college

I will be sure not to get too connected to them that can't get away from them

in other news:
TODAY IS SENIOR RECOGNITION DAY!!!!

woot...

hahaha

and I love Nelly Furtado...

:-P

and I love iced tea...

and I better go...

AND...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMIE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNA
(It isnt for a few days for you 2, I know, but I might as well say it now, so if I forget on your ACTUAL B-Day, it is covered)

hahahaha

-Mark-

mark373 @ 2006-06-07T19:38:00

2006-06-07T23:41:01Z

7th grade:

stared at the girl next to me.

She was my so called "best friend".

I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine.

But she didnt notice me like that, I knew it.

After class she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before, and I handed them to her.

She said "thanks", and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I wanna tell her, I want her to know, that I don`t wanna Be just friends, I love her but I`m just too shy,

and I don`t know why...

11th Grade:

The phone rang.

On the other end it was her.

She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart.

She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did.

As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine.

after 2 hours, a drew barrymore movie, & 3 bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep.

She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I wanna tell her,

I want her to kno

that I don`t wanna be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and idk wHy

Senior Year:

The day before prom she walked to my locker.

"My date is Sick" she said; he`s not qonna go.

well I didnt have a dAte and in 7th qrade we made a promise that if neither of us had dates we would go together

just as "best friends".

So we did.

Prom niqht:

After everything was over I was standing at her front door step.

I stared at her, She smiled at me.

I want her to be mine, but she doesn`t think of me like that and I kno it.

Then she said "I Had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I wanna tell her, I want her to kno that I don`t want to be just friends, I love her, but I`m just too shy and I don`t kNow why

Graduation Day:

a day passed, then a week, then a month.

Before I could blink, it was graduation day.

I watched as her perfect body floated like an anqel up on staqe to qet her diploma.

I wanted her to be mine, but she didnt notice me like that, and I knew it.

Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her.

Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you`re my best friend, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the Cheek.

I wanna tell her, I want her to know that I don`t wanna be just friends, I love her but I`m just too shy,

and I don`t know why

A Few Years Later:

now I sit in the pews of the church.

That girl is gettinq married now.

I watched her say "i do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man.

I wanted her to be mine, but she didn`t see me like that and I knew it.

But before she Drove away, she came to me n said "you came!"

She said. "thanks!", and kissed me on the cheek.

I wanna tell her, I want her to know that i dont wanna be just friends, I love her but I`m just too shy,

and i don`t know why }]|

Years passed:

I looked down at the coffin of a qirl who used to be my "best friend".

At the service they read a diary entry she had wrote in her hiqh school years.

This is what it read:

I stare at him, wishing he was mine, but he doesn`t notice me like that, and I know it.

I wanna tell him, i want him to kno that I don`t wanna be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy,

and I don`t know why.

I wish he would tell me he loved me...

I wish I did too, I thought to myself.

And I cried

mark373 @ 2006-06-07T18:03:00

2006-06-07T22:06:37Z

ow...

my throat hurts beyond alllll belief...

and my head hurts

and i am tired and dizzy...

AAAAAAAAAAAH Senior Recognition Day tomorrow...

Must

Get

Better!

:-(

mark373 @ 2006-06-06T12:32:00

2006-06-06T16:33:35Z

0008005

CHE338A

Instrumental Anal

DEPL 202

TTH

11:10AM

12:30PM

Prof. M. Schreiner

hahahaha!!!

I want that class...

just for the name :-P

it would be VERY amusing...

LOL

mark373 @ 2006-06-06T12:23:00

2006-06-06T16:24:17Z

You Belong in San Francisco

You crave an eclectic, urban environment. You're half California, half NYC.
You're open minded, tolerant, and secretly think you're the best.
People may dismiss you as a hippie, but you're also progressive, interesting, and rich!

Where Does Your Inner Californian Belong?

mark373 @ 2006-06-04T20:52:00

2006-06-05T00:54:19Z

This year couldn't be more of an enigma...

I end up talking to someone that I thought I would never talk to again

yet...

I am talking to them more lately then...

Someone, at one point, I would always be able talk to...

It's both painful... and eye-opening

mark373 @ 2006-06-03T09:57:00

2006-06-03T13:57:49Z

Infantile love follows the principle: "I love because I am loved."
Mature love follows the principle: "I am loved because I love."
Immature love says: "I love you because I need you."
Mature love says: "I need you because I love you."

-Erich Fromm-

mark373 @ 2006-06-01T23:09:00

2006-06-02T03:10:59Z

for some reason...

I am ready for a good cry..

I think I might rent "Pay It Forward" again soon...

that should do the trick...

-Mark-

mark373 @ 2006-05-31T17:58:00

2006-05-31T21:58:30Z

It is SO hard...

not to let people you care about slip away...

For some reason... this REALLY made me chuckle...

2006-05-25T17:17:05Z

You know, if God actually stopped and thought about it, I'm pretty sure he could think of something better to do with skin rather than hold your sorry ass together.

mark373 @ 2006-05-25T09:34:00

2006-05-25T13:35:08Z

...

I have decided........

Clothing is ironic...

and not all clothing....

but certain clothing....

certain COLORED clothing....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

mark373 @ 2006-05-24T22:09:00

2006-05-25T02:21:46Z

wow...

weird day...

what more can I say?

:-/

I watched The Sound of Music...

and it was interesting to see it after so many years...

I used to love that movie so much...

the little child I used to be used to sing along to it...

Imagining what it would be like to be a part of the movie...

singing "The hills are alive, with the sound of music"

or "Do a deer, a female deer. Re! a drop of golden sun..."

and a part of me still loves to just curl up and sing to it...

especially

"Raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens... Bright copper kettles, and warm woolen mittens... Brown paper packages tied up with string... These are a few of my favorite things! When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad. I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad..."

such comfort for a little child

such little comfort for a grown boy

though at least it is still a little comfort to a timid soul...

after this year is over

it will hard to say simply remembering my favorite things will help me not feel so bad...

on the plus side...

only a few more weeks left...

and it is time to move forward with my life...

" Climb ev'ry mountain
Ford ev'ry stream
Follow ev'ry rainbow
'Till you find your dream

A dream that will need
All the love you can give
Everyday of your life
For as long as you live "

-Mother Abbess from The Sound of Music-

I will never let this go...

2006-05-20T05:19:47Z

sometimes...

it all seems worth the time and effort to live...

people are assholes

this world is so imperfect...

it just makes me want to curl up and die

leave it all behind...

the closest I can manage is curling up and crying...

but there are also those moments where it feels like all you want to do is live

times like

making my way through Capri, all alone, by myself, me and my iPod

listening to relaxing music

seeing new places

seeing new people

expiriencing utter bliss with the unfamiliar

or thinking to the future

imagining raising a family

in the house of your dreams

doing a job that pays well, while still allowing you to do what YOU want to do...

and that gives me the urge and boost to keep living...

this is one of those moments where I feel like nothing else can go... right...

everything from now on is just going to be worse then the last shit that happened...

all the time

all the energy

all the trust

wasted........

and what does that word "wasted" mean ?

when linked with a noun it means

Not profitably used or maintained: a wasted inheritance.
Needless or superfluous: These are wasted words.
Deteriorated; ravaged: a wasted landscape.
Frail and enfeebled, as from prolonged illness; emaciated.

and it is just sad

we are all human...

we are all capable of love and compassion

why do we not show that more often?

no...

instead

we indulge our other side

our darker side

taking thrill or even just going with the flow

and being malicious

spiteful

and just down right mean...

I am sick of it...

just plain SICK of it...

that is not constructive...

it helps no one...

not even yourself...

cuz if you are mean to people...

that is how youlose relationships

and we as humans NEED to have relationships...

basically we are all screwing ourselves over....

I remember a time when life was good

everything made sense...

there was love...

that was almost definatly the pre-teenage years

before innosence was lost

before you really had to start watching your back, un aware of the knives held by others, just waiting to stab into your back...

why the hell do we do this to ourselves ?!?!?!

NONE OF IT MATTERS IN THE END !!!!

I am running away from all this

runnning to the stars

where there is still space to dream of a world where everyone is kind to each other

everyone gets along

that is the beautiful thing about space...

to our knowledge...

it is endless...

nothing can ever truly be ruled out, because we will never be able to visit every planet...

maybe there is a world shaped by my dreams

sheltered by my hopes

filled with our un-used love...

void of the misery we use instead of the love

trying to gain the most material posessions

trying to reach the top

not caring who se step on in the process...

you know what?

fuck that...

FUCK that...

I am sick of it...

I am sick of everything...

I condemn everything that I know is bad to hell...

MY hell...

watching groups of once "friends" rip and tear each other apart

not knowing whether the next day would be worse then the one before

alsmost subconciously hoping that it all would come to an end..,

hoping that the realization that there is a chance for a better life is found...

just end it...

right here....

right now....

done.............................

but then again...

I think of my faceless family

the ones I will give my most precious love too

the little ones I will help teach to love their neighbor, as themselves

to teach not to be petty and bicker with each other...

just appreciate the companionship of those they interact with

cherish the small things that make life detailed and worth living...

make a positive impact on this shit world...

we have lost so many

remembered how precious life is...

and how sadly we have quickly forgotten it...

thank you:

Charlie Cote
Ben S.
The two fellow PHSers who died on Whalen
Mr. (Chucky) *sorry I can't spell*

you left this earth, and for a brief moment, showed us how lucky we are to remain on it

able to have the oppertunity for another day to live and love each other

I am sorry that we have forgotten our fortune so quickly

I am sorry , as a whole, we have failed to honor your memory in a proper manner, and continue to take life for granted...

....... it is done........

mark373 @ 2006-05-16T21:22:00

2006-05-17T01:27:02Z

sometimes...

life is weird

life is funny

life is cruel

life is overwhelming

life is tiring

life is a bitch

life is happy

life is carefree

life is obnoxious

life is confusing

with all that said...

I guess there is only one generalization that I can make about life...

Life is.... well.... Life....

it is what it is, it is what you make it...

no matter what, you have to stay in control, don't let it take you over and just run it's course without your input...

cuz if you do... it flies by too fast...

and (I am only assuming, since I am far from this point) then at the end you sit there and think...

wow...

that sucked...

and that should never happen to anyone...

cuz then it isn't really YOUR life...

it is everybody else's who controled it...

-Mark-

mark373 @ 2006-05-15T20:27:00

2006-05-16T00:29:55Z

Your Political Profile:
Overall: 20% Conservative, 80% Liberal
Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal
Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal
Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal
Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

mark373 @ 2006-05-14T18:05:00

2006-05-14T22:10:51Z

So prom was freakin awesome...

my date was sexy as ALL hell

:-)

and it was nice to be able to go out and not have to worry about shit...

kinda nervous about next weekend with our group...

but at the same time, I can't wait...

Gonna be able to dance with who ever I wanna

that deff includes Amory, Clay, Eddy, and Mara (is she is there)

and NOT skank ass whores that continually try to grind with me and stick my hands in their innapropriate areas...

I may be a flirt

but I am NO whore!

:-X

:-P

well ne wayz...

I am uploading my pics as I type...

only 112...

o well

I slacked off

lol

now I better go...

gonna try and find a place to go watch Charmed...

or sleep or somethin...

C YA !!!!!

-Mark-

mark373 @ 2006-05-11T21:20:00

2006-05-12T01:28:12Z

Well I tried
But I won't give in
That's alright
'Cause I'm going to win
Now I know
I've got to let you go
Now I see
You were never meant for me

Looking for your hot stuff
Baby, I need it
Looking for your hot stuff
Baby, tonight
I want your hot stuff
I got to feel it
Got to have your hot stuff
Got to have your love tonight

Ooh yeah
I want you back
Ooh yeah
I want you back

I remember the love in your eye
When you took my hand and said goodbye
I don't know where the river flows
But now I'm free
I'm not going to go down again

Looking for your hot stuff
Baby, I need it (Come on)
Looking for your hot stuff
Baby, tonight (Baby, baby)
I want your hot stuff
I got to feel it (I got to feel it)
Got to have your hot stuff
Got to have your love tonight

Ooh yeah
I want you back
Ooh yeah
I want you back
Ooh yeah
I want you back
Ooh yeah
I want you back

Hot, hot, hot
Hot, hot, hot
Hot, hot, hot
Hot, hot, hot

Looking for your hot stuff
Baby, I need it
Looking for your hot stuff
Baby, tonight (Baby, tonight)
I want your hot stuff
I got to feel it
Got to have your hot stuff
Got to have your love tonight

Looking for your hot stuff
Baby, I need it (Baby, I need it)
Looking for your hot stuff
Baby, tonight (Baby, tonight)
I want your hot stuff
I got to feel it (I got to feel it)
Got to have your hot stuff
Got to have your love tonight

Ooh yeah
I want you back
Ooh yeah
I want you back
Ooh yeah
I want you back
Ooh yeah
I want you back

Ooh yeah
Tell me that you
Do yeah
Ooh yeah
Tell me that you
Do yeah

Ooh yeah
Tell me that you
Do yeah
Ooh yeah
Tell me that you
Do yeah

mark373 @ 2006-05-10T12:21:00

2006-05-10T16:22:21Z

things have never been this bad...

I am laughing on the outside... it's all I can manage to do...

but I am crying on the inside...

and I am unable to feel it...

mark373 @ 2006-05-08T20:20:00

2006-05-09T00:20:54Z

Everything in it's right time everything in it's right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way it's my way
Eh I like it this way

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't
'Til then I'm single

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

mark373 @ 2006-05-07T15:14:00

2006-05-07T19:14:34Z

We are almost done people...

that makes me VERY happy...

:-)